Should You Reconcile?There will be days when you will have doubts about whether you can make it on your own, about the children, about your decision, about finances. Thoughts of reconciliation may occur as you travel along this path. Sometimes reconciliation can work; however, without couples therapy and lots of hard work, couples frequently fall back into old habits and patterns. Imagine the marriage you would like to have with this person. Imagine the changes you would like to see. Now ask yourself… is it possible? Really possible? Of course, anything is possible, provided the other person is willing. Let’s assume that he is willing and you go to couples therapy, you work hard, you both change. Now ask yourself . . . Would it be enough? If your answer is no, then you are on the right path. Many women who have reached this point say that nothing would be enough. The pain, deception, betrayal, and loss of trust is so great that nothing could change those feelings. If you are one of those women, honor your decision to divorce and realize you are on the right track. You aren’t a failure or a quitter; you have merely learned when to cut your losses. The desire to reconcile is often the desire to return to a known entity, to a familiar way of being. It is often the fear of the unknown rather then a true desire to reconcile your marriage. Some women change their mind and try again—not because they think it can work out successfully, but because they are afraid of the unknown of the future. The future is always unknown, whether you stay or you go. However, making decisions that are based on truth rather than fear is always healthier. It puts us in charge of our lives and our destiny. Today I recognize that nothing he could do at this point would be enough and that closes the option of going back to the marriage. While that is sad, it also frees me to look ahead to my future without complicated “what ifs.” *Excerpted from Donna Ferber's book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life © Copyright 2005, Donna Ferber. All rights reserved. Visit Donna's site.
If you think that there is still hope for your marriage, you might consider reading Save My Marriage Today!, for tips on how to repair your relationship and exercises to help get marriage back on track. You can also find more information on the emotions that you may be face during your divorce, check out the following sections:
Should I Divorce? Divorce Reconciliation Building Self Esteem More on Emotions and Divorce Divorce Process
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